Saturday, August 1, 2009
Well i must say im really giving up in the idea of knowing new friends or making new friends. That process is easy but when you consider the aspect of broken friendship, now that is indeed something else, something harder to swallow, something your heart cant accept, not even in the long run.
Yea i have had many broken friendship in the past. No wait, i still am getting it i think. As much as it is suppose to make me feel even more numb to the fact that it keeps on happening, no im not getting more numb. Im actually getting more hurt. More wound in the heart. A wound on top of a scar hurts a hell lot more than just a wound.
It is kind of amazing that how some can be so envious at the thought of the magnitude of my friends. Why should it be that case? Im a whole lot happier with a small bunch of people that makes my life worth living, that makes me push on no matter how badly i just wanna fall flat and not rise up again.
-Credit to wani"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."
- Samuel Johnston
Below is a hindi song a very old song. The movie is about a guy who was betrayed by his friend over a girl. Yes friends can do that to you to. This is the lyric and for those non-Indians, i have the translated version of the lyrics below.
Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha
Amaanatein main pyaar ki gaya tha jisko saunpkar
Woh mere dost tumhi the, tumhi toh the
Jo zindagi ki raah mein bane the mere hamsafar
Woh mere dost tumhi the, tumhi toh the
Saare bhed khul gaye, raazdaar na raha
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha
Gale lagi sahem sahem bhare gale se bolti
Voh tum na thi toh kaun tha, tumhi toh thi
Safar ke waqt mein palak pe motiyon ko tolti
Woh tum na thi toh kaun tha, tumhi toh thi
Nashe ki raat dhal gayi, ab khumaar na raha
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha
Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha
Zindagi hamein tera aitbaar na raha
Aitbaar na raha
TranslationFriend didnt remain a friend, love didnt remain a loveLife, I no longer trust youNo longer trust youThe person to whom I had entrusted my loveWas you, my friendThe one who had become my fellow traveler in lifeWas you, my friendAll the secrets are exposed, the one I trusted is no longer thereLife, I no longer trust you
No longer trust youEmbracing me with fear and a choked voiceIf not you, then who was it? It was youAt the time of my leaving, the one who shed tears like pearlsIf that wasnt you then who was it? It was youThe night of intoxication is over, Ive come to my sensesLife, I no longer trust you
No longer trust you
Friend didn't remain a friend, love didn't remain a loveLife, I no longer trust you No longer trust you"Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods."
- Artistotle
Friday, May 29, 2009
Found this old poem in my harddisk.
Went wow when i read it.
lol
I wrote it.
I called it
SenselessWithered away in this cold empty room,I feel all alone and lonely.A dream that seems a touch from reality,In truth was further than it seems.As life mercilessly slapped me hard,Awakened i was in realism.Pierced by a bullet with my name,My heart never really recovered.In anarchy is my life,Leading nothing but a never ending misery.Wayward in disbelief,My cold heart beats in me,Senseless i was,Blinded i was.Tear me apart,For this dream aint a reality.I aint a juggernaut,That keeps on going with numbness in my veins.A lost hope,Is all i have left.Wonder what will tomorrow bring,Smile, tears, heartache or pain.Or worse,A tomorrow that may not be.How will my tomorrow be like?Shades of this?Profound beauty.Heh.nice?
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Our lives are like candle in the wind - Carl SandburgFound this quote in the net. Sums a whole lot about our life. Being fragile and vulnerable to anything at all. And like with a gust of the wind, that candle flame will be gone. So to our life. With a blink of an eye, it may be taken away from us. Our soul. Our love. Our life.Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep - Carl SandburgAnother one from Carl Sandburg.The different layers are like the different days we go through. Every day a new layer. Every day a new experience. An sometimes, the experience we go through brings sorrow or happyness. But fret not, cause this is life. Once that layer is shed, a new layer will be shown. Another new experience. That could be joyful and blissful.Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live - Dorothy ThompsonLiving in fear is not living at all. We refrain and restraint ourselves from doing and experiencing some things that we often want to do but is afraid to do maybe due to its consequences. We live only once and when the opportunity passes up, there is no turning back from it and we may regret not doing the things we wanted to do out of fear. When we regret, we are not living. When we live in fear. We are not living.That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet - Emily DickinsonThere, we live only once in this world. There are no second chances for us to anything that we pass up. What makes it so sweet is that the things u do are only once and its one that u can savour for u know it will never come again.The opposites of love is not hate, it's indifference.The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.The opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.-Elie WieselSo what is the indifference?
Indifference in thoughts :)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Consider me dead, people.
Not the blog.
Me.
Mood - Sad, heartpain
Feeling - Unappreciated
Therefore, Mood + Feeling = Asking someone to kill me so it'll be homicide and not suicide.
-_-"
I didnt want to drag it but i cant just let it go apparently.
Hurt.
It didnt bother you apparently.
How i felt.
All you wanted was the questions answered.
What happens after that, you dont even care.
In fact, you werent even happy.
Wow.
Everything for you.
Gave in to your stubbornness.
And you still not happy?
And why am i ranting here when i know you have my link?
Cause i doubt that u read this blog anymore.
I doubt that you care.
This entry might hurt u too.
But this is how im feeling right now.
Give me a day or two.
Hopefully i'll be fine.
Just so you know you really did the damage just now.
You really did.
Friendship.
One word with strong values.
A pillar of strength to those who has it.
Yet the word seems overlooked.
Most often than not.
I want my friendship with you.
And i want you to respect my decisions at times.
Too much of an ask?
I dont think so.
Do you?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Those eyes...Sparkling and surreal..A beautiful attraction..That stood out from the crowd...Haha..Everyone knows i have a soft spot for gorgeous looking eyes that can just melt my heart..
And i think i found someone who possesses those eyes.
Gleeful grin...
:D :D :D
Ahh you'll be my jail and i'll be your prisoner..
Sentence me to life imprisonment..
For i would kill to see those eyes over and over again..
*Above cloud nine..Currently at 9.5...lol*
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Things has changed. Alot.
And yes no matter how much one mention how important i am to them, it doesnt mean anything at all to me. Like Nadirah J. will say, Tak mati kalau tak jumpa.
So if the other party doesnt give a two hoots about it, so will i.
Yes of course its disappointing to realise the fact that one who used to be so close has now distance away. Away from this once called comfort zone. Away from this once called closed one.
Yes it was surprising as to how it all went oh so fine. But i guess every start has an end to it dont it?
I guess i'm just a piece of non-reusable item that once used will be thrown aside. Heck caring feelings involved.
What's important is i still haf my social circle and that i dont have to depend on You when i need someone. I have true friends. As for you, im not sure. By the looks of things, its going down to the path way below the term friendship.
And the only person that can save it is you.
Its all up to you.
PS: I guess im not that important anymore
Thursday, April 9, 2009
A smile doesnt mean im contented.
A laughter doesnt mean im happy.
I smile to make others smile
I laugh to make others laugh.
Beneath this smile, beneath the laughter, nobody knows.
The thousand knifes that cuts through the heart.
The tears it cries.
The sorrow it goes through.
Lost.
Confused.
An external wound heals.
An internal wound.
Stays there and cuts open with any remembrance.
Like hot knife through butter.
It never heals.
I HATE YOU.
BUT I LOVE YOU.
I WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE.
BUT I WANT U CLOSE TO ME.
I WANT TO FORGET YOU.
BUT I KNOW I DONT WISH TO.
I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE.
BUT I KNOW ITS PAST ALL THAT.
When u choose to come to my life, dont ever leave it.
They say its all part of life
To learn from it.
Yes im learning.
Much.
So anyone who has that thought of leaving..
I aint gonna beg you to stay.
Neither do i want you to leave.
Cause you all make up my life.
I have enough of Goodbyes.
And i have enough of people finding me only when they need me.
And when they dont, dump me aside like im some sort of garbage.
I have feelings too.
And at times i need You guys.
Dont treat me this way.
It hurts.
Heart beyond repair
My life treated like a funfair
My thoughts no one would spare
Alas, there's nothing else i can bare
Take me away, away, away into the far away away away land.
-Credit to wani